Saying goodbye, that inevitable step that we all have to take at various times in our lives, yet some of us avoid it like a virus.. We all say it every day: when we walk into a shop and then leave, we say “bye”; when we’re with friends and at the end we go our separate ways, well, we also say “ciao, see you”. Because yes, we all know that with these goodbyes it’s not forever, it’s a see you later; isn’t it? What happens when you leave a country where you’ve lived for a year? At that moment, I think all ends become sacred. 

I’ve been a volunteer in Macedonia for five months now, and I’ll be staying for another five; but since I’ve been here, I’ve had to say goodbye to a few friends, and it’s never easy. So, let’s start this discussion about the inevitable state of volunteering, leaving a country and dealing with the farewells it demands. In this situation, it is not only the person who leaves who says goodbye but also the people who stay behind. It is difficult from all points of view, but avoiding it is not the solution. It’s important to accept to say it, for our growth and our personal development. When something ends, it’s a new step in our life. 

When you have to say goodbye, you feel different emotions, you are confronted with conflicting thoughts; this psychological weight, people deal with it in different ways. They think that it will be the last time they have a coffee in their favorite place, that this party will be the last one in this club, that they will not be able to have a drink with this friend. They’re leaving a daily routine that they’ve built for themselves, a new zone that has become their comfort zone after arriving in this country. It’s like that bubble finally bursts and they have to go back to real life, go to university, find a new place to call home, get a job. And so, in one case they have to prepare themselves for this change, and we all have our own way of doing that, according to our level of stress for change and our personality.

When you volunteer abroad, you’re faced with a lot of new things. You’re leaving your country, your family and friends, your habits to come to a new place where you don’t know anyone and the culture. The first thing you have to do is find a way to adapt and then rebuild your daily life. It’s a challenge, it’s leaving your comfort zone to find your growth zone and create your comfort zone in this new step of your life that you’re going to have for six months or more. 

Also, when you’re abroad and you’re coming back, you can be stressed that everything is changing while you’re on your adventure or you can be anxious and have FOMO (fear of missing out). But what we have to remember is that yes, of course things change, we miss events, parties, family gatherings, life goes on even when you are two thousands kilometers away from your own city. This anxiety and stress, I was talking to a friend of mine who came back from France after six months, and he told me that at the end you are afraid that everything has changed but nothing has happened, just life goes on and when you come back you just plunge into this everyday life that didn’t wait for you. And everything changes, but you change too. 

The hardest step is to prepare yourself for these goodbyes and farewells, and sometimes you have several weeks to think about it, or not, when something unexpected makes you come home early. When I ask my friends how they managed to say goodbye to everyone in one or two weeks they tell me about the schedule to see everyone, it can be a good way if you have a lot to do before you leave; and, when you come back. Or for some it was just going with the flow. The main thing was the big party with everyone. For some of them, it was also a good way to go on a trip before leaving. Because of course, for a well-rounded ending, some studies have shown that good closure goodbye is associated with positive effects with fewer regrets and an easier transition back into your life. 

The transition to the next step after your return can be difficult in many ways. For a friend of mine it was learning how to live with her parents again after living alone for a year. It is difficult to accept losing your autonomy. For another friend, it was accepting that she had changed and that things that used to fit her didn’t fit her anymore. But trusting in time can help, that one day everything will fall into place. Maybe to help you adapt to this step, looking for something new to do, new goals, getting involved in a new environment can be great. In any case, time is the key, don’t rush, and accept this new step. The goodbyes are for that, it’s an acceptance to move on, so face them.

Chloé Le Cair

Sources:

Psychology Today – Goodbyes are important, but we didn’t know to say goodbye.