While I was back at home, enjoying my holidays, I started to reflect on some things. You know, the random thoughts you suddenly get around midnight before going to bed and that lead you to doing some introspection. Well, that’s how I got the idea for this article. 

I had already thought about how weird it is that sometimes I feel more comfortable with English than French. I mean it doesn’t make sense, right? French is my native language, it should be the one I’m most confident with. So why do I sometimes feel like I have another personality when I’m speaking English? 

For a little bit of context, I think the first time I really started to notice this was during my first ever trip alone abroad, for a summer school in Bulgaria. While I already had a pretty high level in English, it was my first time speaking it for a long period of time (3 weeks). And still it felt pretty natural to me. 

But anyway, coming back to this initial thought that sparked my reflection, I decided to do some research about it despite the fact that it was probably already past midnight. I just needed to know that my thoughts were normal, and was curious about the reasons behind these ideas. 

The main factor that studies pointed out was the importance of the sociocultural context. Indeed, the way we behave and think can in many ways be influenced by the languages we speak. From non verbal communication, to sentence structures or even the way we express feelings, lots of elements can evolve when speaking a foreign language as we are adapting to different cultural norms. 

As a matter of fact, there will always be some kind of connection between language and culture, so adjusting our behaviour to the language we speak should be a very natural thing, whether we do it consciously or not. In a way, this makes us chameleons that are just trying to adapt to different environments. 

Furthermore, we may use different languages in different contexts during which we would also need to adapt our speech to fit these contexts. For example, we may only use one in very serious situations, and another one only with friends. So, we unconsciously associate these languages with the context in which we use them and form some personality and an opinion on them based on this. 

So, how could I use my personal experience to explain this change of personality that I so clearly notice? In my case, apart from the composition of my social circle, one of the other key elements of my sensation of awkwardness in French would be the fact that I mostly consume media that are in English. Indeed, it has already been many years since I started to consume content (social media posts, videos, music and literature) that is mostly in English, and now in other foreign languages. Due to this many, if not most, of my pop culture references are in English. Which in itself is not really a problem, however it can become one if for example a joke or some specific line doesn’t really sound fun or nice anymore when translated in French. 

Or, for example I sometimes don’t quite know some artists that are currently popular in France. Maybe another reason for this feeling could be the fact that I never travelled much in France, even as a kid with my parents. But I think this is due to the fact that I’m from Strasbourg, which is next to the German border and also near Switzerland, so it’s somehow quicker to get to other countries than to go to some places in France.

Finally, the most obvious point for me is my social circle. As a kid, I never had a lot of friends and I was very shy anyway. So I didn’t have many friends in France in the first place. However, now that I started travelling alone for different projects, I find myself having more foreign friends, who are thus English speaking. I’m not complaining about this, in fact it doesn’t bother me that much, it’s just that as a consequence I’m more socialised in English, than in my native French.

While the fact that my experiences have led me to feel quite confident when speaking English is great for me, there’s also some kind of downside. As I expressed earlier in this article, English sometimes feels more natural than French to me, though it doesn’t affect me much, as I think it’s mostly something that I notice myself. Due to this I try to make more “efforts” to connect with the French language, especially when consuming media. For example, now I would say there’s some kind of balance between English and French when it comes to me listening to podcasts, or videos, for example. I also started to buy more books in French again. 

Considering the fact that I’m learning quite a few different foreign languages, I think I’ll never get rid of this feeling of having different personalities, probably there are even some that I haven’t even discovered yet. So, I guess I’ll just have to constantly try to find some harmony between all these languages and personalities.

Chloe Gaschy

Sources:

What is Native Language Anxiety? Language Anxiety Tales

My personality changes in different languages, have I lost it? Bahar Pancaroğlu

The Psychological and Cognitive Effects of Speaking a Foreign Language on Personality | by Zita Luca Csathó | Medium

Sci-Hub | What has personality and emotional intelligence to do with “feeling different” while using a foreign language? International Journal of Bilingual Education and Bilingualism, 15(2), 217-234 Ożańska-Ponikwia, K. (2012)

The bilingual self or selves? International Journal of Language Studies
Volume 8, Number 3, July 2014, pp. 107-116 Mohammad Ali Salmani Nodoushan, Jesús García Laborda

Languages and Emotions: A Cross Linguistic Perspective J. OF MULTILINGUAL AND MULTICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT Vol. 25, No. 2&3, 2004