Alone time vs. social time, overthinking vs. underthinking, and work vs. life… All these things require a certain balance in your life. In my view, life is a lot about finding balance: if it’s regarding spending time, thinking, features, or social interactions. For most people, none of the extremes work or are good for them. Of course, there are exceptions for some things for everyone. Also there are many different scales in which you can find balance… you don’t need to do it in all of them, and each and every one of them can look different. During this article, I will use the word balance for all of these very unique and different scales, where you can also locate yourself differently. As a person who is often located somewhere on a spectrum of balance, how do you find your place on it and then feel comfortable acting as you like it in spite of possible expectations?

Balance is a task for a lifetime. On the one hand, you have to free yourself from the expectations of other people. On the other hand, at least for me, sometimes it is hard to figure out what specifically I want or need. Lately, for example, I have been struggling with finding a balance between time spent alone and social time. Still, I haven’t quite found a solution, however, I am trying to make compromises and set time aside for myself. To find my balance I mostly try to listen to my body as well as my mind. In case of the decision whether to go out or have a chill evening in my bed I try to ask myself: What do I really want? What does my body feel like and what does my mind feel like?

Sadly, this doesn’t always work though because you also need to find a balance between comfort and trying out new things or challenging yourself. There, we have our precious balance again. If I just ask myself what I want to do at that specific moment… well, it’s often gonna be crocheting in my bed rather than going out. But sometimes you need to push yourself to try out new things or get out of your comfort zone and then maybe you will also want to do them more and your balance will differ.

Before you start to question how to balance something, you need to become aware that a balance exists there and may be imbalanced. I think often in our life we don’t even recognize a certain balance as such because it’s not often unbalanced or we just don’t care that much about it. I think that is really nice and we should appreciate our already working balance. Sometimes balance in specific things or in general comes and goes naturally without us being aware of it – it’s a natural flow that you can go with. That also can be a way to find a certain balance. Sometimes we also just don’t care about imbalance… if there are many nice opportunities to spend time with people… I will take them even though I maybe don’t feel that social. But as long as I like it, there is nothing wrong with it and maybe my middle point of balance is shifting a little bit. 

Imbalance often shows itself in specific things that you don’t necessarily recognize as a balance. I tend to overthink a lot. I always see it as a bad thing, that I definitely need to stop and I still do. However, I can try to see it as a balance on a spectrum between overthinking and underthinking, meaning not to care at all. I just need to go a bit more in the middle between those two while not demonizing overthinking completely. From this point of view, acknowledging a balance also means stopping to think in an all-or-nothing kind of way, but rather thinking of a spectrum where everything and everyone is located somewhere. In this context ,we can add to the definition of balance, that once you’ve found a preferred place on the spectrum, you’re probably never gonna be there completely. Reality is just gonna oscillate, sometimes with bigger swings, sometimes with smaller ones around your perfect balance and that’s fine. There’s also gonna be times when you need the oscillation to be smaller (more balance/stability) or times when you like it bigger (less balance/stability) – this in itself is a balance again.

Probably in your head balance is closely linked to the concept of stability. Having found your place in a spectrum you feel comfortable and belonging, this part of your life is balanced and stable for now. But isn’t your preferred level of stability itself a balance? Where do you locate yourself when it comes to your desire for stability or adventure and spontaneity? 

Regarding balance, it is important to accept that your perfect balance can change. Just like your personality and preferences, your balance will always change and it is not bad if it does. I think a change of a preferred balance is often connected to new experiences or personal development and change. In general, our place on scales of balance shows our personality and is part of it. If the balance changes it just means you prefer something else now and you can (just) adjust your behavior and be comfortable again. There is not one balance but various things you can balance. And you can balance those differently and be located somewhere else on the scale of balance.

With the expectations on social media to find your „balance“ and be happy with it, the pressure to do so is high. However, don’t let it get to you. It is a never-ending process connected to your personality and self-development. Just being aware of yourself and your wishes as well as needed challenges as much as you want is completely enough. And even not being aware and just going with the flow can lead to a new balance and be good if it is right for you. Also, you don’t have to be completely happy where you are with your scales of balance… Everybody is just trying to figure it out for themselves. It is a never-ending circle of adjusting that hopefully always gets you to a nicer state for you. It is sometimes annoying, but there is also beauty in it. 

Maike Seuffert