A group of conventionally attractive people arrives at the tropical island. The girls let out the obligatory pterodactyl squeak and proceed to compliment one another. Don’t get too excited about the ‘girls power’ vibe, though… in just a few days they will most likely talk trash behind each other’s backs. Next scene, the guys. You start to wonder if the participants’ selection process consisted of a quick trip to a local gym and grabbing some random people. In a minute, they’ll say something about the instant connection and having ‘similar values’ despite exchanging a total of three sentences with whoever they coupled up with… more or less enthusiastically. Here you are, a quick recipe for your new dating reality show to binge-watch on a Sunday evening. Do I sound like a hater yet? Actually, I’m not. I’m taking the popcorn and watching with you. And you will hear me talking about it for at least the whole month… sorry.

Some people love it, some people hate it. Reality TV started somewhere in the ‘90s with the idea of showing unscripted, real-life situations featuring ordinary people instead of actors. Through the years we got almost every possible subgenre: competition, survival, makeovers, cooking, crime and punishment, paranormal activity, and finally, the one we’ll focus on today – dating shows.

The structure of these is usually more or less similar – take a group of people to a nice location, make them create couples that can change throughout the program, put them in challenges, and eliminate someone every few episodes. The most basic example following this scheme would be Love Island. Then there are slightly different variations, like Too Hot To Handle where contestants lose the prize money if they engage in any intimate behaviour, Temptation Island where already existing couples are separated and surrounded by (ridiculously flirty) singles in order to ‘test their relationship’, or MILF Manor where… actually, it’s better to not talk about this one. Some of the series take more of the documentary format, like 90 Day Fiancé following the struggles of couples usually consisting of a US citizen and a foreign partner, or Love After Lockup documenting the challenges faced by couples after one partner’s time in prison. And finally, the show worth mentioning that gained crazy popularity recently is Love Is Blind – a ‘social experiment’ in which singles talk while not being able to see each other. The idea is to find out if they can find love based on emotional connections alone, without the influence of physical attraction.

The list of issues related to this type of shows is definitely longer than most relationships in them. The most discussed ‘accusation’ is that they are fake, with staged moments, scripted dramas and deceptive editing. In fact, even if participants’ behaviour is genuine, it’s extremely easy to change the narrative with a few simple tricks, like adding the moment of silence (with music conveniently playing over the scene) to make the situation look more awkward… or the contestant more stupid. Obviously, the more controversy, the bigger attention the show will draw, which results in questionable casting choices. It never stops to amaze me how 90 Day Fiancé manages to find more toxic people every single time… Another issue is painfully obvious objectification of participants, often visible in oversexualized shots. To be honest, sometimes I purposely chose something different to watch during lunch, so my flatmates wouldn’t get the impression I’m watching adult movies from the unfortunate glimpses they could catch on my screen. And lastly, can we really talk about ‘falling in love’ on a program lasting four to six weeks? Of course, there are some exceptions – as I’m writing this, the winners of 2023 edition of Love Island has just got engaged – but let’s be honest, most of the contestants are not there for love. It’s for fame, social media following and brand deals, sometimes even for promoting their music careers.

So… why do people love watching dating reality TV anyway? The simplest answer would be: it’s like any other mindless entertainment. Just something easy to watch to put on while eating or as a background noise. You don’t have to think too much, and can escape the reality for a little bit. It’s kind of McDonald’s for the mind – maybe not the most beneficial for you, but who doesn’t like some chicken nuggets and fries you might regret later once in a while?

Another huge thing drawing people to reality shows is… the drama, obviously. It might be a little toxic trait of mine, but while I like to keep my own life drama-free, I’m all ears the second I hear about other people’s messiness. In that sense, reality TV is safe – you get all the gossip, and no risk of being involved in all of it. It’s also feeding into people’s tendency to peek into neighbours’ windows with no guilt involved; after all, these kinds of shows are literally the invitation to watch and judge strangers’ lives.

The comment I’ve seen several times is ‘this show makes me feel better, because at least my life isn’t that chaotic’. Maybe another reason why people watch reality TV is feeling a bit superior. I’d never do it. Why is he so awkward? Oh my, what she said was so stupid. It’s very easy to forget the contestants are real people with their own lives, not fictional characters existing for our own entertainment. Unfortunately, the shows’ tone – often with narrators openly making fun of the participants – encourage this kind of thinking even more.

You don’t have to judge to have fun, though. Sometimes you can simply just observe. Dating programs are kind of social simulations that are interesting from a psychological side, too. Especially from an introvert point of view, seeing the behaviour of a bunch of confident people willingly put in front of cameras is fascinating, to say the least. It all depends on how much you believe in the authenticity of the show, but some of the reactions have to be real, allowing the viewers to see how people connect, flirt, lie, and deal with conflicts in different ways.

Something that is always fascinating to me is the casting choices the producers make. I’ve already mentioned it in the context of choosing the ‘villains’ on purpose. It’s not only for the drama in general, but also because watching a show with only likeable, reasonably thinking individuals would be just boring. Picking sides and grouping people in our heads is natural. You need someone to root for – and someone to root against. With this simple recipe, reality shows keep the viewers emotionally invested.

And finally, the participants of reality shows are not famous actors or celebrities, but people that feel easier to reach. The fact that they are not playing a role means that you can still follow their story after the show ends – social media deepens the attachment and makes the drama feel ongoing.

The constant updates and reactions extend the experience from the screen to real life. If I’m not watching, I’m probably deep into some YouTube commentary rabbit hole. It’s actually how I got into this whole topic in the first place – through creators breaking down each episode with sarcasm, jokes, and occasional psychological insight. Somehow, watching the watchers makes the whole thing even more addictive. So if you want to give this genre a try, either grab a friend to comment with, or find a youtuber that’ll make you feel like you’re with one – that’s the best way.

Anyway, it’s time for me to go now. The new season of Love Island has just started… and it won’t watch itself.

Anna Wojdziak