In this article we’ll explore the problem with parasocial relationships. The Cambridge Dictionary defines parasocial as “involving or relating to a connection that someone feels between themselves and a famous person they do not know, a character in a book, film, TV series, etc., or an artificial intelligence”. Some of you may feel weirded out by this definition, or even may feel confused about how someone could form such a bond with someone they don’t know; which honestly I can understand. However, I’m pretty sure most of us already have been in one, me included, at least as a child. For example, things like having crushes on actors and singers, or following a celebrity’s life updates on a regular basis.

So, now one might wonder why these so-called parasocial relationships are so problematic. Well, the examples I mentioned above are innocent, that is they don’t have too much direct impact on the celebrities in question. However, what were mostly harmless one-sided relationships to celebrities have turned rather creepy in some cases. And that’s mostly due to social media, as they reinforce the illusion of closeness with celebrities now being able to directly interact with their communities, whether it’s through posts, stories, or even directly interacting with fans by answering comments. In addition to that, more and more people are now chronically online, which amplifies the effects and the intensity of said parasocial relationships, as people always hold more and more importance to what’s going on online. And let’s be honest, we are all in some ways responsible for this, despite doing it to different extremes. 

Talking about extremes, I think it’s high time to mention a fanbase that in some cases illustrate perfectly taking parasocial relationships too far, the Swifties. While I’m myself a casual listener of Taylor Swift, I have to say that the online behaviour of some of her most dedicated fans, is honestly concerning and repulsive to me. Let’s take the example of the mixed reactions to the release of Swift’s latest album The Life of a Showgirl. Only a few hours after its release I could see most people on Instagram saying that they either don’t like it, or that they are disappointed. Now, the problem is not those people just stating an opinion based on their music preferences and lyrics that they find cringe, no, the main problem is how some hardcore fans are reacting to people’s critics. Like people are defending Taylor Swift and her album at any cost, without being able to take criticism. But what does this have to do with parasocial relationships and also being chronically online? 

Well, for me the problem is people feeling like they have to defend a celebrity no matter what over criticism on an album. While, yeah, Taylor Swift probably appreciates having an army of dedicated fans defending her every action, is it really her fans responsibility/business to defend her every move? As Taylor Swift is a billionaire with a very good publicist, I think she can defend herself against criticism without people going insane online. 

While this already may seem like people taking being a fan too far, it’s unfortunately not the worst case. There are, of course, stalker cases, but there are also some worse cases. Indeed, sometimes it can lead to fans swarming private personal events. While there are probably many reports of such cases I will mention one of the most extreme examples that I know. Indeed, I think I will never forget about reading that the Dolan Twins, who were very popular YouTubers around 2018-2019, had to ask fans to not attend their dad’s funeral. Yes, you read this correctly. They had to make this request after hashtags about turning the funeral into a meet up started to appear on social media. 

As you understand this article focused on the negative sides of parasocial relationships, however, it’s worth noting that there can also be positive sides to them. The key element to keep them positive is to stay connected with real life. So, how to find the balance in parasocial relationships? Well, as some might say “touch some grass”, and try to reconnect with reality. On a more serious note, it’s actually really important to stay in touch with the world around you to keep your sanity to, hopefully, not end up like the extreme cases I mentioned above. How to stay grounded in reality? Well, try to prioritise your real life relations with people that actually care about you, whether it’s family, friends or your partner. You can also find activities/hobbies that don’t require the use of social media, like sports, crafts, reading. And most importantly, learn to maintain some kind of emotional distance with what happens on social media. All of these things should help you find balance between your online following and real life. 

Chloe Gaschy

Sources:

PARASOCIAL | English meaning – Cambridge Dictionary
What do you think about parasocial relationships?
The Positives and Negatives of Parasocial Relationships
The Terrifying Cult of Fandom – A Case Study in Swifties
What are parasocial relationships doing to our brains?
Parasocial Relationships and How They Impact Social Media Marketing – What’s Real and What’s Fake?
A Parasocial Effect: When online platforms create illusions of closeness and authenticity
PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS, SOCIAL MEDIA, AND THE CLINICAL IMPLICATIONS
YouTube stars the Dolan Twins ask fans not to treat father’s funeral as a meet-up