Horses and unicycling. This has basically been everything my head was turning around when I was thinking of doing sports all my life. 
Moving to Macedonia, I wanted to change this. I longed for something new, finding my unknown passion.

In the endless weeks before getting my visa, waiting and waiting and holding conversations with ChatGPT about how long it would take for my visa to finally arrive (I tOtaLLy UnDErstAnD ThAt yOu ArE uPseT. HErE arE sOMe StePS to DeAl wItH yOuR cUrRenT SitUAtioN……), I made a list.

• Badminton
• Swimming
• Bouldering
• Volleyball
• …

So, I arrived in Macedonia, filled with dreams and hopes for my new sports life. Looking back, it feels like I expected someone to approach me going out of the airplane saying ““Hi. This is the list of sports you can do in 5 minutes around you. We will bring you to every single place and cheer you until you are a super talent.” Hah, little did I know.

First of all, it might have been a little too motivated of me to believe that I would arrive and immediately have the time and capacities to even do anything other than fall in my bed at the end of the day, completely overwhelmed. 
But, after around a week of arriving and settling in, I decided it was time. I would start my sports journey, and I would go swimming. 

I packed my stuff, and started the twenty minute walk to the next swimming pool, filled with motivation and excitement for the next hour.
Happily, I walked towards the building that had definitely seen better days before. I had no idea about the ticket prices, but was hoping for something similar like around 4 euros at home, or even cheaper.

Entering the swimming hall, the first shock came fast. There was just as little separation between areas where people ran around in their swimwear as there was between men and women. A gender-neutral swimming pool – how progressive. 
Looking at the woman standing in the shower 10 metres away from me, I asked for a ticket. “One ticket, 8 euros,” reached my ear. What? 8 euros?! 

Okay, I did not care. I had gotten myself here, I wanted to do this, I wanted to swim. I found myself in one of the changing rooms soon. What do I usually do when going swimming? I just put my stuff in the locker. Taking a deep breath and convincing myself that this was just all part of the amazing journey I put myself on, I went back into the hall, towards the lockers. A woman approached me, talking in Macedonian. She seemed to disagree with my actions. Okay, apparently I had to give the stuff to her, she would put it in the locker. Weird, but I could adapt to that.

There I was, in my swimsuit, in the middle of an entry hall, not having any clue what was written on the signs around me, how the customs here were or what the people were telling me. I did not expect this to be that difficult. 

After a shower, where I was splashed by more water through the tap behind my back than the shower head, I finally went to swim. A 50-meter long pool opened up in front of me. Amazing! I entered, and I was actually swimming! Haha, I felt like I could rule the world. 
I continued paddling in the pool for some time, again letting myself get splashed by this luxurious shower head from all possible angles except the one that comes from above, and changed.

I went outside, and sent a long and very annoyed audio to my mother about the prices, and the shower, and oh, why must life be so hard? 

The first try was done!

The next weeks came, and my excitement about the sports I wanted to try was clashing with reality as hard as my lungs with the incredibly polluted air every time I decided to just get out of the house and go for a run. 

We went bouldering. But for my German mind, it was impossible to comprehend that the kids were just climbing under and above me, and that I was in the wrong for going off the wall before falling onto them and burying them under myself. 

I went to the gym, but my determination to do everything there was wronged by my lack of knowledge about what to do with all these giant, black machines in front of me. These machines that looked like I had just entered the door to hell, a very torturous one, interested me a lot, but I could not use them at all. Cardio it was then. 

I started home workouts with another volunteer. But the space in our rooms was very limited, and soon she left and left me all alone with my desire to do something and my incapability to actually do it. 
I did not expect this to be that hard. Nothing was easy. I was drowning in my self-pity. 

I started swimming again. I told myself that it was okay to spend the money for the tickets, even though I still did not feel ok with that at all. 
I went to the gym with a new volunteer. We had a very nice trainer explaining to us how some of the machines work, so that we don’t look so incredibly dumb anymore. 

We went to the pool, which by now raised the prices and closed the 50-meter pool. Aqua gymnastics in a one-meter-deep pool is funnier than you would think!

I even learned that there is a badminton class close to our home. In the end, after blaming it all on my surroundings and everything and everyone, maybe the solution was to redirect my expectations. Maybe the solution was to wait. And by now, I actually am discovering new sports. I discovered that I like hiking, despite hating it with every single bone in my body when I used to do it with my parents. 

Today, I will go buy waterproof hiking shoes. Maybe I will go to the swimming pool later. And maybe, maybe I will play badminton this week. Only volleyball is missing, and I can check my bucket list after all. 

Lea Schwegmann