A Short Moment of My Life

Have you ever tried walking with your eyes closed? Or riding a bike without hands? Or walking in a city not knowing the streets? Or picking food not knowing what’s inside because you don’t understand the language? Have you ever tried talking to a stranger? Entering the airport or the metro for the first time?

Do you remember what it was like to climb into a tree when you were a kid? Jumping off three stairs at once? I bet you didn’t worry about it back then. Just your parents or grandparents were freaked out and stopped you from doing it. The years go by and you start being afraid. But in fact how many times have you heard that a kid fell out of a tree or died jumping off the stairs?

Eyes closed, free hands, no plan, signs on the way which you walk for the first time.

Recently I have started planning a lot. I have no idea what I will be doing after three months and that screws up a bit the time I’m having now. ‘Cause my brain starts scheming like crazy.

In the middle of this lagoon of schemes I decided to read a book. About which, by the way, I got to know really randomly – a friend invited me to its presentation and although I didn’t understand a thing because it was in Catalan, I decided to read it translated into Spanish. The book is about traveling neither with money, nor with a plan. And suddenly this sensation of being a blind kitten comes to me.

A blind kitten, first of all, is weak. Anyone can hurt it. It has no power on anyone but everyone has power on it. It lives on the mercy and good will. But a blind kitten is too young to doubt, too young to understand the intentions so no one can scare it. It knows that sooner or later it will get some food and milk. It has no idea how but it’s sure – it’ll get it. And so it gets it. And nothing bad happens to it.

The only difference between me and the blind kitten at the moment of this sensation is that the kitten is drawn by instincts. And I’m different. As a person can be different from an animal.

This moment is a feeling of safety. Of peace and tranquility. It is a kind of freedom but not from some kind of external restrictions, rather a freedom from oneself. It’s when you’re full of the world, the whole world is inside you. No matter where you go, you feel home. There is no fight anymore. And you’re taken care of. And you let things happen. And they always happen right because you let them happen.

Did I tell you that it was just before I fell asleep? A short moment. A short movie in my imagination of random images, of some memories and a feeling coming after, a realization which you grasp for a second and then it disappears again. And most of us need a lifetime to make it our reality. Sometimes we need to let it happen.

Eyes closed, free hands, no plan, signs on the way which you walk for the first time.

Dora Žibaitė

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