I don’t like to define – especially when it comes to people, people I don’t even know but I want in my life. To define is necessarily to limit. Sometimes, we can blind ourselves to wonderful people and shield ourselves from beautiful experiences because those we meet simply do not fit the characteristics that we previously established as essential. Thus, we do not even allow them to enter our life, because at first sight they don’t match out wish list.

Defining is necessarily synonymous with limiting. However, it is positively necessary to define some elements to have parameters, criteria. After all, without a minimum clarity about your search, you won’t know when you find exactly what you’re looking for. So, here’s a recipe, with the basic requirements I look for in a friend.

A friend is wanted. Desired characteristics:

General: it doesn’t matter the color, the height, the width, the ancestry. Religion, belief. Preferably, you will be a watercolor, made of several shades of various colors, the more colorful the better. A large or small watercolor, dwarf or giant, thin or wide. Human. With a creative shape, made of a unique design that life, experience and shapes shaped with time. The only size I do not allow for variation is the arms, which make the room for embrace. This one must be huge. Vast, very long, very intense. At the same time very broad and very narrow. Bear hug – without hibernating – ready for any time, to support me when I cry, exchange laughter when I rejoice, share enchanted silence, in a quiet and comforting grip. May your embrace be as big as your person, so as to fit mine and my many moments.
May you be European, Asian, African, from the Americas, or permanent nomad, eternal wanderer, but always open and tolerant. May you know how to speak the language of various moods and situations, suit the customs and dialects of my ages and stages, as I will certainly try to do in return.

May you believe in as many gods as you desire, in Moses, Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha or Shiva. Or in no god at all. May you believe in the written, set destination from above/ from before or the destination that we write ourselves, gradually, as we go. May you believe in the verse or in the universe. May you, however, absolutely believe in me, and never doubt me. May my plans never be teased, my pains never satirized, my fears never turned into a story of terror or laughter for other’s amusement. May you have faith in me, in my existence, in my ability to evolve and become better. May you believe in the tie that we can tie, that can tie us in a way that nobody – but ourselves – unties.

Face: the most prominent feature of your face should be your smile. A lasting smile, no matter the season or circumstance. A warm and luminous smile. The least prominent feature of your face should be the brow, especially if you are prone to frown it. It must be erased, practically invisible. I am adamant on that. As for the eyes, let them be of the color of hope, whichever color that turns out to be. As for the look, let it be friendly and affectionate, beautiful and appreciative of the little things. A look that knows how to identify the eternity of a shared moment.

Heart: Soft hearted. Preferably softer than mousse and jelly. Soft as opposed to hard, thick-skinned, untouchable. Soft, malleable, empathic, understanding. Soft for being able to put yourself in other people’s shoes and in mine too, and feel your (and my) pains without suffering for them. Soft with wisdom, and an awareness that you cannot pump the other person’s blood and problems without necessarily overloading your own path.

Let it be soft, in the sense that it does not break or bend when hit, but returns the intensity of the applied force with an equal force, and always tends to balance. May it be kind to the touch of the hand, and of another heart. Make a connection, and not have a very systematic system – as funny as this may sound. Let it be ritualistic and careful with small gestures of immense grandeur. May your heart, however, not be insensitive to the art of improvisation, nor very incompetent in it, and that may you know that the unpredicted – for better and for worse – sometimes happens.

May your heart be firm and constant, but not rigid. May it not be permissive to exploitations and toxicity and may it know how to rebel and free itself from them and identify them and strengthen mine when they arrive to my heart’s door. May it be good at persuasion to make me see such exploitations and also at strategy in helping me to rise up to abandon them. However, above all, may your heart be a little more permissive and less rigid about my mistakes. They will be many. They will be maddening. They are the proof of my worst part, as well as, however, my best one: my humanity.

May you, then, forgive my mistakes, forget my lapses, remember my troubles (to laugh at them with me, when they have passed), kindly point out my faults and never miss a chance to make me a better person, aware of my limits and my imperfections, which you accept, which I work to overcome. And may you love me anyway. May you be willing to listen to me, give me attention, certainly expecting to receive it in return, as due exchange.

I cannot ask the genie of the lamp, because you, dear friend, cannot be materialized in smoke, from a polished metal. I can only ask the universe and formulate my request in words, so that the first, when it deems viable, when I vibrate correctly, send me a candidate, and the strength of the latter may cause a volunteer to emerge.

A friend is wanted. Feel free to come forward, should you be interested.

Vitória Acerbi