Now that my university years are coming to a close—and that I’m most likely getting my bachelor’s degree by the time this gets posted—I can’t help but look back on the relationships that have shaped me as a person, ones I have gained during my studies. When I first entered the university grounds, I had one vision, and one vision only: to find my perfect friend group.

Within the first month, it was subtly forming with excited remarks about common interests. Soon, it grew while exchanging whispers about college struggles. Then, it manifested in side quests taking place in Skopje and farther. Not before long, it turned into prolonged study sessions, hilarious presentation nights, themed birthdays, domestic vacations, a book launch, and organizing our own senior party, among many things.

I’ve seen tattoo appointments, job promotions and apartment hunts. I’ve seen these people laugh until their stomachs hurt. When they tear up, the whole world falls apart, and all that’s left for me is to pick up its pieces back. I can only explain this with the Macedonian phrase „знам како дишат“, or, I even know the way they breathe (because I’m with them all the time).

Inspired by our recent hangout after a significant amount of time, I tried to answer this question that popped up in my head:

“What makes us work as a friend group?”

So, I decided to do that through this piece of writing. These several characteristics are like second nature to us, and they may help you grow new ideas for your friend group.

You have self-established traditions

In my case, it all started with a simple fact. If you’re 27 and younger, you get a free train ride to any destination in Macedonia from Friday until Monday during the first and third week of the month. Since Veles was the closest available destination, and one of our friends is from there, we thought it was a good opportunity to visit a town many of us were not properly acquainted with. Despite the gloomy weather, I still remember the warmth radiating from the delicious food in one of the pubs and from my friends’ smiles when a cat greeted us at the station. On that day in March, we decided to make it a yearly thing. In 2024, we detoured the whole town and climbed one of its highest points after struggling to make it through the stairs. In 2025, we changed things up by going with a car and having a picnic near the lake Mladost. In 2026, we mixed a little bit of everything (without the stairs part, of course) and played with a frisbee along with some middle schoolers. Having this kind of ritual can produce a good story in the future, it proves to be a memento that many of us still mention in casual conversations, and most importantly, it is a promise to hang out again.

Arguments and compromises rather than fights

Of course, a friend group will sometimes have clashing views on a certain matter. It is important, however, that one does not think that a difference in opinion is a personal attack for them. Everyone’s side of the story deserves to be given a chance, and depending on the situation, a mutual conclusion should be reached. The difference between arguments and fights is that arguments occur because of mutual respect and ability to offer space both for yourself and the other parties involved, while fights arise from prioritizing your own needs over others’ and the inability to collect yourself. If you truly care about your friend group, you are willing to hear them out even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. This can only be achieved through empathy, which is a cornerstone for all successful friendships.

You openly communicate

I still remember a lesson that one of my friends taught me: if something bothers you, say it loud and clear, because your intentions won’t come to light until you voice them out. Your friends are not magic wizards that know what’s making your mind pace around, so if you think that something feels wrong, it’s better to say it rather than let it plague your thoughts. It may be scary to be honest, and such conversations can hurt, but a friend group is built on trust. It’s significantly easier to clean up misconceptions while you still view them as misconceptions, rather than truths your brain has convinced you are factual. Uncomfortable conversations are sometimes needed in order for a friend group to truly stick together, because what matters the most is how you acknowledge your faults and overcome them together.

You’re not afraid to stay authentic

Finally, each friend group embraces a certain mode of expression. Rather than trying to fit a mold, a friend group inhabits its unique portrayal based on both individual and collective expressions. One of my friends incorporates black in her outfits. One is crazy about the color of the eighties. Another looks like she walked out of a Pinterest board. All of us are different, but when we’re in the same room, our differences merely accompany our similarities. Simply said, we just make sense as a friend group. And we don’t owe it to anyone but ourselves.

These do not tell the entire story of my friend group, or any, for that matter. However, I believe that it is important to reflect on your relationships once in a while, especially if you are starting a new chapter in your life. Even my friend group was not the same as it was at the beginning, but those people who came and stayed truly showed me that it’s worth it to share my life with such amazing individuals. If you have read this far, what truly makes a friend group work is making the effort to be a part of one. Make sure to tell your friends you’re here for them.

Simona Joleska